It's the Detours

As we departed our Jackson, TN inn this morning, we told the front desk staff how much we appreciated all their help. "We're just sorry you had such trouble," responded the head housekeeper who'd chauffeured Ragan down the road yesterday for a new pack of Parliaments. "Hopefully everything will go smoothly from here onward." The other employee on duty, who'd been there when I'd first emerged from the Chicken Van juggling a cat carrier, bag of essential snacks (chocolate), kitty litter and my purse, had another approach. "You know it's like that author Faulkner said," he drawled. "You start out thinking it's the destination of your journey that's all important and really what makes the trip, where you end up learnin', is the detours."

These words came back to me four hours later as I watched our Jetta rise ten feet into the air and a guy named Keith sporting a NAPA Auto Parts tee poke beneath the car with what looked like a long stick and a flashlight. "Aren't you girls a long way from home?" his assistant remarked as he caught sight of our plates. Ragan later decided his name was "either Earl or Billy Bob--it's hard to tell." We mumbled something affirmative and focused on what Keith had to say between pokes into Betty's underbelly.

"This here is Arkansas humidity. What's happening here is condensation. You know, when you use the air conditioning condensation forms. That puddle on the floor there could happen in fifteen minutes round here if there's a block. That's why it's backing up and coming out under the dash." Poke. Poke. Gush. An impressive fountain of water splattered the ground near where we stood.

I wriggled my toes around in their already drenched sandals and suppressed a half amused half fed-up giggle at the continuing car issues. This made Auto Repair stop number 4 since leaving Boston. This latest stop was inspired after I discovered my feet were sitting in a few inches of water beneath the passenger's seat, and yet another call to Ragan's dad confirmed another visit to the car doctor was in order. As Keith returned Betty (and an unfazed Taima in the backseat) to the earth, Ragan suggested we give Keith a twenty if he didn't charge us for unblocking whatever had been blocked. (How's that for technical?) I nodded, and a few minutes later attempted to hand him a twenty while Ragan started up the car.

"I'm not going to take your money," Keith said, folding my hand over the bill and looking at me intently. "I am going to ask you to do something instead. Will you do that, will you both do something for me?"

"Umm...I,...kay."

"You take this twenty dollars and you girls go out and buy yourselves a Bible."

I've gotta say I am so proud of myself for keeping my composure.
"We have one," I managed to say.

"Then buy another."

"Uh, thanks for your help," I blurted out, and practically ran back to the car. I made Ragan pull around the corner and pull over so I could repeat his request where our snorts of laughter wouldn't be heard.

Of course it later occurred to me that I should have told him I'd already read most of the important passages on highway I-40. Because Arkansans take their sins and the sins of others quite seriously. Every few miles a gigantic billboard pointed out another thing THOU SHALT NOT do while within state lines. The one against adultery seemed especially bitter and privately sponsored. "Looks like someone got burned," was Ragan's comment.

After that things quieted down for a while until we hit a sign for "Toad Suck Park," followed by "Hickey Park" and a little while later a Jubilee "Hard Kor" youth group sign that read "This church is prayer conditioned." Wow. So this is Arkansas.

Crossing into Oklahoma brought us to the home of Carrie Underwood, as announced by an official green and white highway sign reading "Welcome to Checotah, Home of Carrie Underwood, American Idol 2005." Around 20 miles later we hit a similar sign for Woody Guthrie's birthplace. Now that sign I can understand, but Carrie Underwood? What movement has she led? Shouldn't these things be earned after a lifetime of hard work and accomplishment? Really.

In other breaking news on Oklahoma Radio 105.5 a butcher in Milwaukee was injured today when a dead cow fell on him. He is in serious condition but expected to fully recover.